so apparently digging through the trash isn't the best idea

so mom left this morning in such a rush that she forgot to put the trash outside on the deck. i, being the natural scavenger, soon found myself in a predicament known only to my fellow four-legged creatures. do i take advantage of my dear mom's negligence and gorge myself on random table scraps and empty boxes? or, do i make like kindle and lick myself until the parentals arrive?

i decided to be virtuous and held off from diving into the goodness that the garbage surely held. my iron will, however, only held strong for about five seconds and i found that i couldn't take the suspense of not knowing what the trash receptacle held. it was like a shiny white beacon, beckoning unto me to partake of its goodness.

"kiya," i heard it say, "why dost thou resist my goodness?"

i really didn't have a decent answer and so i threw caution to the wind and succombed to my weakness. i was thoroughly enjoying my binge on egg shells and bacon grease when i heard a noise that made my jaw drop, literally, the wad of chewed up paper towel fell out of my mouth and landed on the pile i had created.

i heard the sound of crushing gravel and i knew that mom was back not even fifteen minutes after she'd walked out the door. i panicked. i shoved the a few of the remaining scraps in the corner of the kitchen and yelled at kindle to sit on it to hopefully hide some of the mess. i threw the empty bag of hashbrowns under the coffee table in the living room and then i ran to the back bedroom to cower amongst the broken egg shells.

the front door opened and all i hear is "(EXPLETIVE), KIYA!!!!" uh oh. she came at me then and that's when it all hit the fan. unfortunately, during the scolding and corporal punishment, nature called and i knew that all the food had caused me a serious case of the flu mud. talk about bad timing. so i tried to hold it and be attentive while mom took the pains of explaining to me that she was going to "murder me today and not even feel bad about it." when she paused to grab the vacuum, i started doing my potty dance to let her know that we were going to have bigger problems if she didn't let me out. well, that irked her even further and more screaming occurred and i believe she said, "poop your pants for all i care. serves you right for eating garbage."

--now, please don't worry, my friends. i've already thought about reporting her to PETA but i think she just lost her mind for a moment. usually, she's pretty lax.--

so anyways, she finally lets me out and i proceed to candy coat the grass with my special chocolate syrup. not pleasant. i look over in the middle of the deed and mom's watching me from the door. oops, that's not going to help my cause. nope, didn't help my cause at all as she promptly threw me and kindle (guilty by association) into the back of the truck and drove us over to the cement and wire hotel, also known as the kennel in the grandparents' yard. she locked us up and left us to spend a day outside on cement.

honestly, i'd do it all over again. the leftover bacon grease was bomb.